Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
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