This gyro tastes like lonliness
is this the sara with the beer cane?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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