i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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