did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
