i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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