Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
So squirting runs in the family.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
