I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
They should really pass out barf bags in church
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
