I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
