he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize
