when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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