I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
