Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
