Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
