did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
