but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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