where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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