i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
