i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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