I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
