Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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