Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Randomize
