Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
