Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
