her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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