On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
