she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
