tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
