if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
