At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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