In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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