I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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