My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
