clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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