you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
