Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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