She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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