Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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