his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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