my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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