he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
