Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
