my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
