sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
