In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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