i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Randomize
