and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
