I cockslap morals
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
