i wish there were pregnant emoticons
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
