My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
