I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
