Fine. I'll sleep in my office
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
