What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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