I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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